


galaxies at the tips of her fingers

by CoffeeAndArrows



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Epiosde: s13e00, Episode: Revolution of the Daleks, F/F, Kinda?, ft. me having a lot of feelings about yaz, post new year special
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:20:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28491558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAndArrows/pseuds/CoffeeAndArrows
Summary: The Doctor was here, alive and safe and offering her more of the universe.Even if it couldn’t go on forever, it could go on for a little while longer. Yaz would take what she could get.--or, my attempt at trying to process that 'you're in love with her, i can tell i've been there' conversation between yaz and jack
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 19
Kudos: 91





	galaxies at the tips of her fingers

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't plan on writing this and i haven't written anything in ages but... here we are i guess?
> 
> thanks sarah for betaing (and picking a title and generally being great :) )

Enjoy it while it lasts,  __ Jack had told her. Because it couldn’t last. Not forever. 

Yaz hadn’t realised that at the start when she’d first stepped into the Tardis, she’d been too wide eyed and amazed at the possibilities laid out before her, she’d been in awe and out of her depth and desperate for adventures, adventures that she’d immediately gotten to live. The excitement had come so thick and fast that she’d barely had time to process it all. She’d jumped in with both feet without thinking it would ever end and at the time she’d never considered the consequences of that.

She didn’t regret that - she never could. But it had made the realisation that followed  _ hurt _ .

She hadn’t realised it all of a sudden. No, it had been more of a slow, gradual realisation, an awful, lonely, achingly painful ten-month long realisation - the realisation that even if she did find the Doctor she would inevitably lose her all over again. She was human. She had a home on Earth, a family on Earth. She didn’t belong amongst the stars no matter how much she wanted to, not like the Doctor did. 

She wasn’t destined to spend eternity travelling to distant galaxies and fighting aliens and sprinting down corridors with the Doctor’s hand in hers. That exhilaration couldn’t last forever. 

She’d get herself hurt.

Like Jack had gotten himself hurt. 

And despite him not having mentioned it, the look in his eye as he’d listened to her and attempted to guide her gave away that he’d seen other people get hurt in exactly the same way too. He’d fallen for the Doctor and watched people around him fall for the Doctor and she’d left or they’d had to leave and everyone’s hearts had been broken in the process. The Doctor had a heart to spare, but… she didn’t.

She didn’t have a back-up, a heart that was safe and guarded and couldn’t get broken. 

But then again, it was too late for that. Far, far too late. Ten months too late, two  _ years _ too late. The Doctor had had her heart for a long time and she would be a liar if she pretended otherwise. At some point, that glowing smile and those bright, delighted eyes and the infectious warmth and excitement that spread from the Doctor to everyone around her had caught Yaz in its web and she wasn’t going to try to untangle herself, not when she had the option to stay. The life she had missed like a hole in the heart was hers for the taking once again and the Tardis was calling her. The familiar warm light of the console beckoned, the gentle whirring of the engine settling a piece of her that had spent ten months feeling out of place. And the Doctor… the Doctor was  _ here _ . Alive and safe and offering her more of the universe. 

(More of  _ her _ .)

Even if it couldn’t go on forever, it could go on for a little while longer. Yaz would take what she could get.

Every second she had ever spent with the Doctor was worth it because before a Timelord from outer space had stumbled haphazardly into her life, she hadn’t truly felt like she was  _ living _ . She hadn’t known what being alive could feel like until she had galaxies at the tips of her fingers and a thrill at every turn and a warm hand in her own. She hadn’t known what she wanted until she had the chance to sit at the edge of a tired Police Box drifting through the sky with her feet dangling in the air, listening as the soft voice next to her pointed out things she’d never have seen if she’d walked away when she first had the chance to. 

Jack was right; the pain was worth it. All of it - every second. 

The last ten months couldn’t be erased. The sleepless nights, the endless tossing and turning, the searches that she hadn’t been able to stop that had turned up nothing time and time again. The defeat, the desperation, the tears. It had all happened and it couldn’t be fixed by the Doctor returning, they couldn’t pick up exactly where they had left off as if nothing had changed. There were too many conversations to be had and explanations to be given and far too many questions she needed the answers to, like  _ where were you?  _ and  _ what happened to you?  _ and  _ did you miss us?  _ and maybe, eventually, when she dared voice it the question that mattered the most -  _ did you miss  _ me _? _

(Those last two she didn’t need an answer to. As wrapped up as she’d been in her own head when the Doctor had finally reappeared, it had still been impossible to miss the loneliness lingering behind her eyes and the relief to have them all standing in front of her once again. Her hugs had been tight, as if she was worried they’d all be taken from her again. 

The Doctor had missed them - missed  _ her _ \- deeply. She hadn’t tried to hide that.)

Who would Yaz be to turn this down?

Ryan had friends he wanted to be around for, and that was perfectly fair. Graham wanted to be around for Ryan, and that was fair too. But she didn’t have what they had here. And they had both always known that what she had with the Doctor was different - it was something deeper, something she couldn’t ignore no matter how hard she tried. Something that made it impossible to walk away, impossible to imagine any life that didn’t include just a little more time with the Doctor.

If all she got was another day, it would do. If she only had one more week by the Doctor’s side she would make the most of every second. Another month would be a gift. She knew, this time, to appreciate it as much as she could. And if she was going to get her heart broken… well.

That would be worth it too. 


End file.
